Just a Rebel from the Waist Down

Oh, No...

2005-10-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

I believe, for the first time in my life, I am tasting regret.

Sanctified

2005-09-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

It's all gone.

I don't know what to do.

I'm trying to get it back.

But it's so hard.

My body aches, I haven't held you in so long.
My heart is constantly fading.
I can't sleep without you next to me.
I can't eat without knowing you are coming home.

It hurts so much.
It hurts so much.
It hurts so much.

I still dream of lips I never should have kissed

Nothing Seems Worth Saving

2005-08-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flow down the path we
have chose

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what we fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear

the farther I fall ~~I'm beside you~~
as lost as I get ~~I will find you~~
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of

you and me
~~we're in this together now~~
~~none of them can stop us now~~
~~we will make it through somehow~~
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

all that we were is gone ~~we have to hold on~~
all that we were is gone ~~we have to hold on~~
when all our hope is gone ~~we have to hold on~~
all that we were is gone ~~but we can hold on~~

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
even after everything
~~you're the queen and I'm the king~~
nothing else means anything

Irony

2005-08-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have discovered nothing.
I have gained no new knowlege.
I have not changed.

There is nothing to be done.
Nothing to be changed.
Nothing to learn.

From any of this.

That's what I have learned.

Why did you have to come back today. Today of all days. There was nothing else you could have done to hurt me. But come back.

Wild & Crazy

2005-07-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's times like these when you know who your friends are.

Hey, Here We Are

2005-07-18T00:08:00.000-07:00

Completely.
And utterly.
Apathetic.

Now, I'm just tired. Worn out.

Worn thin.

Whatever.

Queen Hate, at Your Service

2005-06-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

This day is at it's dullest.
I have nothing to do but sip my green tea and dwell.
Dwell on the past.
Because that's all I do.
Right?
You know me oh so well, so this must be all I do.

Bad Habit

2005-06-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

I find it amusing.
How you can come back and pretend so quickly.
Pretend how you are everything I want you to be.

So quickly it makes you nothing.

Gravity

2005-05-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

i am surrendering to gravity and the unknown

Inhuman

2005-05-22T00:42:00.000-07:00

I have become.
Impossible.

I have no possible tendency to feel sympathetic.
Anymore.

I am watching everything and everyone through glass.

I will not cry for you.
Only myself.

Hate me now.
Before it is too late.

Nice, Nice, Very Nice

2005-05-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

Pleasant.

Sorrow and anguish seems to be comfort.

Overcome.

I'm grinning with depression.

Waiting for the change.

After the Fall.

Fabricated closure.

Shot.

The wind's been coming in different lately.

Stop

2005-05-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

you have no idea how much I hate you.

Faint

2005-05-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

For some reason I always listen to Ladytron when I'm depressed.

No one knows who I am anymore

I can't wait 'til I am left alone with my memories.

I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a
total.
stranger.

I wish you all a happy heartbreak.

...
for those of us who have hearts, anyway.

Maybe next time I'll try harder.

Only

2005-05-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

There is no fucking you
There is only me

Fire Walk With Me

2005-04-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

Temptation is what burns the branches of innocence.

I have no identity.

All I feel is sin.

The scars are my name.

You are the poison.

It keeps sucking me dry

No salvation. No forgiveness.

[i am the arm]

Pray Tell

2005-04-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

lord help me

Hint

2005-04-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

dreaming of you

you know who you are

you don't know what you are

You... N-eed Me?

2005-03-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

don't you dare attack me

[and I knew you would assume this
at some point]

because nothing is for sure, nothing lasts forever

and any friend who would do what they did was never a friend in the first place
just a shadow

no one will know what I am
do you fucking know what you are?

Choke on This

2005-03-12T22:16:00.000-08:00

give me violence.

Flash.

give me tragedy.

Flash.

give me sympathy.

Flash.

give me nudity.

Falsh.

give me materialism.

Flash.

give me happiness.

Flash.

give me everything

Fat Kid

2005-03-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

maybe if I put a bullet in my brain
I would be as famous as kurt cobain

Apocalypse

2005-02-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

The four horsemen laugh in my face.
And I am a good enough sport to laugh with them.

Lie, cheat, and kill
Lie, cheat, and kill
Lie, cheat, and kill

Don't slip.

Ten Miles

2005-02-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

Devils speak of the way in which you'll manifest.

Thinking of certain people. Thinking of the ones I love. Thinking of the ones I hate.

There's no difference.

I wanna get so

HIGH

2005-02-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

wish there was something real

Man that You Fear

2005-02-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

it didn't work out quite the way that I wanted it

the ants are in the sugar
the muscles atrophied
we're on the other side, the screen is us and we're t.v.
spread me open,
sticking to my pointy ribs
are all your infants in abortion cribs
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
pray until your number,
asleep from all your pain,
your apple has been rotting
tomorrow's turned up dead
I have it all and I have no choice but to
I'll make everyone pay and you will see
you can kill yourself now
because you're dead
in my mind
the boy that you loved is the monster you fear
peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
you've poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)
pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed
someone had to go this far
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
you've poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
the world in my hands, there's no one left to hear you scream
there's no one left for you

farewell

You

2005-02-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

Nothing is forever.
Especially you.
I have learned that now.
But I probably will not change.
I will continue to pretend.
Because that is all I have left.

A Stranger

2005-01-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

I don't know who you are.
And I don't really care.
I am just playing this game because I am supposed to.

I have no compassion.
My sympathy has run dry.
My motivation is gone.
My spirit has been slaughtered.

If you come to me for assistance,
I will give you the only cold shoulder I have.

I have the one I love (the one who loves me), and that is all I need.

See you on the other side.

A Conversation Between Friends

2005-01-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

It is just exchanging one set of problems for another,
and, frankly, I do not think it is worth it.

Gonna Leave You

2005-01-19T16:58:00.000-08:00

i tried

i gave up

"You are my sanctuary."

Predictable

2005-01-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

Feel myself slipping back into familiar habbbits.
I do not care enough to stop it.
I do not even think I could if I tried.

Disgust.
Putrid disgust.

Cannot escape it.
Every second it stays,
it goes even deeper.

I apologize in advance.

No Such Thing

2005-01-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe how much I have lost.
Or how quickly.

The easiest way out is to pretend everything is normal.
Pretend there is no such thing as compasion.

What you did, does not really bother me, anyway.

The only thing in life you are gaurenteed is your body.
(And death)
But we destroy it along with everything else.

That is beside the point...

Fuck you all, because we are all going to die anyway.

Inequality

2005-01-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe what this world is.
Or how my heart survives it.

Great virtues are thrown away.
Instead, we lust for pleasures.

I just want things to be honest again.
If they ever were.

Two by two, we, holding hands,
Rush to the bottom.

I am the only one that mourns the death of morality?
All we have now is hypocricy, and it is quickly flooding our vains.

See you all at the bottom.

The Serene

2005-01-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

I feel so naked...
Nailed to this wall of serenity.

2005-01-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

And this is where I belong.

2005-01-01T03:09:00.000-08:00

happy
new
year

I feel like a ghost.

Plea

2004-12-30T01:53:00.000-08:00

please love me again

Inspire

2004-12-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

Cannot remember the last time I was truely depressed.
Suppose it is due to my company.

"No one who has true friends can know what true solitude means, even if the world surrounding him should consist of adversaries."

Inspiration comes in waves.
But now, my mind is placid.

I can hardly think of anything more meaningful than creation, and encourage you all to try it.

All great art comes from great survival.

I have not created anything substantial in a while.
I feel insipid.

Sometimes I create with my lack of.
Ha... my bookcase is filled with volumes of pain.

Just to busy to feel.

Trash

2004-12-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

I just threw you away.

Because it was so easy for me.

"Butter-rum's my favorite."

2004-12-24T19:16:00.000-08:00

I said ball, I mean ball.

Hot lesbian action.

Simple kind of man. Staring down the barrel of a '45.

Tenacious D time, you motherfuckers.

You are so fuckin' hot.

Fucking kids.

Hi Dustin.

We just fucking kissed, and you missed it, Shawn.

Man down.

Let's play pool. Let's play Mad Libs. Let's play Halo.

I want my Becky-back, Becky-back, Becky-back, Becky-back... ribs.

I am taking off my clothes.

I'm not a fucking light-weight.

Where is Everybody

2004-12-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

did you happen to catch
or did it happen so fast
what you thought would always last
has passed you by
is everything speeding up
or am i slowing down
i'm just spinning around
and i don't know why
all the pieces don't fit
though i didn't really give a shit
i never wanted to be like you
but for all i aspire
i am really a liar
and i'm running out of things i can do

i'd like to stay
but every day
everything pushes me farther away
if you could show
help me to know
how it's supposed to be
where did it go?

pleading and
needing and
bleeding and
breeding and
feeding
exceeding
where is everybody?
trying and
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?

well okay, enough.
you've had your fun
but come on there has got to be someone
hasn't yet become
so numb
and succumb
and
god damn i am so tired of pretending
wishing i was ending
when all i'm really doing is trying to hide
and keep it inside
fill it with lies
open my eyes?
maybe i wish i could try

pleading and
needing and
bleeding and
breeding
feeding
exceding
where is everybody?
trying and
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?

pleading
feeding
bleeding
breeding
feeding
exceding
where is everybody?
trying
lying
defying
denying
crying and
dying
where is everybody?

The Leech (III)

2004-12-21T01:53:00.000-08:00

These scars are for you.
This hate is for you.
These tears are for you.
This pain is for you.

I would do anything to never hear your name again.
To never again hear of the pain you have caused everone you meet.

I hate you.
And I have never meant these words more towards anyone.

I said...

2004-12-20T14:09:00.000-08:00

had a dream about you last night.
she was there, too.
don't know why I think about you the way I do.

2004-12-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you
don't you

fuck
you

Hope This is What You Wanted

2004-12-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

I do not want your faceless apologies.

If you are not jared or taggart or cory
Then stop making yourself the victim.

YOUR LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS, AND NO ONE ELSE'S.
You made whatever you have become.
This time is yours to manipulate.

I was there for her, and I was there for you.
I did not go away, you did.
And I am still here.
Here for whoever will be here with me.

My blood is bruised and borrowed.
You have turned my blood cold and bitter.
Beat my compassion black and blue.

Creatures of the Night

2004-12-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

I am sweating this blood though your mouth into my scars. nearly conscious in this pool of frozen hopes and decapitated memories. who knows who I am. who knows who you are. questioning the open wound in the mirror, mirror on my wall. dead to the prophets and lost all my dolls. I fell as far as I can fall. waiting for you to lift me back up again. hesitant to move my spider-legs. my insect diaries are written in your head. lie in the fabricated bed. custom sheets of your paper skin. living for nothing but waiting for everything. i want your chocolate rhymes to disappear into my stomach. digest your strength and make it my own. that is all i can do. dropping my heels into this pit of sharks. reptiles' suffocation, waiting for that last drop of blood...

2004-12-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

You speak of those ticks and leeches.

But you are no better.

And then there was one.
One honest soul left.

The Chosen Path

2004-12-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

Your silver striped tongue
Envelopes my white memories,
Delicacies to the mind,
Fragile touch to the bone.
Leaves them jagged and glistening.
Metallic glucose from above
Consumes your fantasy.
Rainbow-flavored ecstasy
Lost in a cloud of loathing,
Discovered by a gloating ego.
Headlines in heaven
Read the fate of the delicious blind and ignorant.
Snakes covet the eternal burn.
Censured all by omnificent miscreants.
Intertwined by coins of destiny.

2004-12-06T16:02:00.000-08:00

I am your suicide queen.

2004-12-03T19:24:00.000-08:00

I am in love with my sadness.

Zero

2004-12-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

she's the one for me

she's all I really need

my one and only

Wish I could tell her how beautiful she is.
But that would only spoil her.

Oh, how I must capture her essence!

Only in Dreams

2004-11-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

I was gagged.

You were in a bodybag.

And the spider was bleeding.

2004-11-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

it shouldn't hurt this much

Somewhere Far Away From Here

2004-11-28T17:42:00.000-08:00

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...

Wish I knew.
Don't you?

Everyone is so fucking gone.
Anywhere but here.

That's the way to be.

Asleep in nothingness.
Wrapped warm in your most desirable thoughts and dreams.

Self-improvement is masturbation.

Away from the pain and burden of reality.
That's where I wanna be.

2004-11-27T02:19:00.000-08:00

I can see more when I cannot see.

Flowers

2004-11-27T01:58:00.000-08:00

There is one who uses it to his convienence.
Another goes through it as quickly as a pack of cigarettes.
One finds it in her best friend.
One believes it is forever and always.
One uses it as a temporary fix.
One searches continously.
One doesn't know what to do with it.
One cannot stop fantasizing.
One lost his only.
One pretends to have it.
One threw it away.

HeartBreak

2004-11-26T22:33:00.000-08:00

You think you found something wonderful.
You put all your efforts into it.
You love it.
You would die for it.

And then it all comes crashing down on you.

I thought he loved me.
I thought she cared.

I thought we would be together forever.

But now you are left broken.
Scarred.
Bruised.
Crying.

Wishing for that feeling again.
Just one more taste.

Anything for one last kiss.

One more minute in his arms.
One more minute feeling her caress.

Anything to have that warmth in your heart.

But now you are left cold.
Alone.
Unwanted.
Ugly.

Something you so deeply carried faith for was thrown away so easily.

I'm sorry.

This too shall pass.
There is worse pain in the world than yours.
What does not kill you makes you stronger.

They Were Right About You

2004-11-26T01:17:00.000-08:00

What happens when a relationship becomes rutine?

I'm such a suicidal imbecile.

Medicated drama queen.
Picture perfect.
Numb belligerence.
Narcissistic.
Craving fame and all its decadence.

Some of us are merely born to die.

Ambivalence
The word of the day.

Not Again

2004-11-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

And I have returned.

It has been a few days since my arrival back home. I miss running away.

The Omega is speaking again, but not for long.
Animosity is strong for the Antichrist, though his presence is missed.
The Hierophant remains ignorant.

My angel is bright and blue and shimmering.

ooo-oo my eye, ooo-oo my eye, ooo-oo my eye, ooo-oo my eye

In a Galaxy, Far, Far Away

2004-11-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

Wanted to call you, but now I don't know. Don't know why I don't know.

Disenchanted.

STILL miss you.

Going away. Be back in a few days.
Off to neverland.

I love/hate you all.
There's no difference.

Circle the one you want to hear. There is a 1:10 chance you are right.

Anniversary

2004-11-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

2 years today

spent in paradise

The Leech (Part Two)

2004-11-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

I hate you so much.

You have fucking stolen everything from me.

All I want is to erase you.
Make you disappear.

You fool everyone into loving you, but no one sees who you really are. Provided that you have a soul somewhere in that drug-scarred body.

No, you would never allow someone to be that close to you.

Not even me.

You just will not leave. You keep on sucking me dry.

I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.

Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Because this is what you're getting.

2004-11-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

i can't breathe

The Leech

2004-11-09T19:28:00.000-08:00

You continue to suck me dry.

When will it stop?

Never.

That is what happens. That is what you do. People never change.

I just want you out of my life.

2004-11-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

sometimes I feel like I have never been honest with anyone

Hopeful

2004-11-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

And here I am...

With nothing to say.

I just wanted to remind all of you that I am still alive... as alive as a living dead girl can be.

Most of you will not even bother to look.
Most of you will not see what is in front of you.
Most of you are just blind.
Most of you...

I look at you all and I feel nothing but animosty.
I cannot comprehend and can barely cope with this.

But I do, (or at least pretend to), with the hope that, one day, things will be better. One day, I will be happy with my life. One day, I will understand.

One day...

Until then, I will continue too hate you all, along with myself.

And I wish you a better life.

[S]aint

2004-11-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

you wanted perfekt
you got your perfekt
now i'm too perfekt for someone like you

I had a terrible day.
Absent. Scarred. And Broken.

But I am so glad to hear you once again.

I thought that you were hiding.

Imagine

2004-11-04T15:54:00.000-08:00

you may say I'm a dreamer
but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
and the world will live as one

2004-11-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

you make me so fuckin happy

Third Eye

2004-10-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

So good to see you once again
I thought that you were hiding from me.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing a trail of smoke and reason.

Wish

2004-10-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

i wish i was beautiful i wish i was happy i wish i had friends i wish i had everything i wish i had nothing i wish i was alone i wish i didn't have to do anything i wish i was covetted i wish i could run away i wish i was loved by everyone i wish evryone would die i wish you were here i wish i was adored i wish i was obsessed over i wish everyone would love me i wish i could die i wish life was easier i wish i didn't feel this way i wish you loved me i wish i could love you i wish this was real i wish you were real i wish this was over i wish this never started i wish everything was perfect i wish this was not me i wish i was you i wish i was anyone else i wish i had something i wish i could stand on my own i wish you would fucking listen i wish you were happy i wish i could make you happy i wish everything was the way it should be i wish no one was hurt i wish everyone was dead i wish you could know how i feel i wish you would leave me the fuck alone i wish i was everything you wanted i wish i could do anything i wish i was famous i wish i could die i wish i didn't have to do this i wish it wouldn't hurt i wish it would go away i wish you would go away i wish you would just be here i wish you wouldn't leave me i wish you wouldn't leave me i wish this was all good i wish i was smart i wish i knew everything i wish i was better i wish i was beautiful i just want to be beautiful

2004-10-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

... Happily ever after.

What the fuck are you doing to me.

happily
ever
after

Show me

2004-10-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

So many ways for me to show you

how the savior has abandoned us all.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
What to believe.

This entry is more nihilistic than my last one about being lost.

Then I wanted to be saved.
Now I just want lie down and die.

What the fuck are we working for.
Answer: A life that will never satasfy. A life everyone tells you to have. "The only way to be happy..."
Your entire life is already planned out for you, but you do not question. It is just the standard. This is the one and only thin that will make my life worth living.

graduate highschool.
go to college.
get a job.
squeeze out kids.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

retire.

The only rest we will ever have comes when we are too old to care.

But there is no better way to do it.
The only way.

Otherwise, you are worthless. Insignificant. Even if you complete the whole system, your significance is not even gaurenteed. It is just for show.

i wanna grow up
i wanna be

a big rock and roll star

What the fuck am I doing here.
I just do not see the point anymore.

It is as simple as that.

No one is even reading this. Therefore, this does not exist. I do not exist.

I just like to pretend I do.

I find myself constantly wondering how many people would miss me if I died this instant.
Just out of curiousity.
How many people would cry? How many would move on? Who wouldn't?
Would I have a funeral. Who would speak at it. Who would talk to someone about me.
Who would find comfort in reading my journal.
Who would never be the same.

I suppose it is everyone's fantasy to visit his own funeral.

Girl, Interrupted

2004-10-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin, and pray for the courage to press down.

After the Storm

2004-09-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

This, too, has passed.

It is over.

... for now.

The end, question mark?

It is not an end, or a beginning, it is the same.
Some things never change. Some people never change.

All I can do is hope. Keep on going.
Continue searching for the next satisfaction.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Keep telling yourself, "Just one more (day, hour, minute)."
Circle one.

People are afraid to merge.

I should be happy. We all should be happy. We all never realize what we have.

Be happy, because I don't have what you have, even though you don't have what I have, you don't even want to know what I have.

It is always worse than you think.

But I shall mend. Until I am broken yet again.
How many times can a person break?

I guess we will find out.
Or do we already know?

Audience, now is the time to participate.

Where the fuck do we go from here?
Nowhere.

Oh, well.

I am still right here, giving blood, keeping faith, and I'm still right here.

Thank you for being here with me. I never would be here if it were not for you. You give me another reason. Thank you.

Dude, I Am So There When School Gets Out

2004-09-22T15:19:00.000-07:00

I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.

I could never watch you do it.

You Make Me Want to Bleed

2004-09-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

I know not what is wrong with me...
what is right.

Tried to listen to "Do it Again," but got "Gonna Leave You" instead.

What's the symbology there?

I know not who I am.
who I am not.

what I should or shouldn't do...

I'm drunk.

Hurting for hurt's sake.

Melancholy. Humble. Crestfallen.
The words of the day.

Glad to be joining you finally.

2004-09-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

Fuck you all.

Nothing

2004-09-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am so tired.

I don't want to be anywhere.

I miss you. Wish you would call me.
But you are preoccupied...
huff puff cough sniff snort snaff shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot... shot

So much for friendship.

Hello rejection. Once again, we meet. Hand in hand, we go...

REJECT

Is it something about me that repels, or do I just attract those kind of people.

Finicky, dependent, abusive, addicted, desperate...

Fucked up, for lack of better words...

Always lacking something.

Why can't you just go AWAY

If it is not going to be anything, do not pretend it is everything.

2004-09-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

Public education is killing my soul.

2004-08-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

March, you fucking pigs.

Feel so Numb

2004-08-13T02:00:00.000-07:00

Hmm... I have not had something to say for quite a while.

Or have I just not wanted to be heard?

I hope my audience is having a better Friday the Thirteenth than I, but do not worry about me, I am positive things will look up for me, at least momentarily.

My achievement for today has been realizing how greatly laugh-tracks depress me.

Mankind can fake emotion ever-so well. I wonder if this is an example of evolution, or if it is a natural talent. I suppose we just fool ourselves into faith, and are less conscious of this trick.

The life of apathy (how oxymoronic) has been astounding, and nothing embellishes this more than the life of the teenager.

Their source of apathy can be found in the form of narcotics. Although, why would you search for the same numbing chill you hear in your parents' voice?

Why would you search for something that is choking you?

Because you need to. Because it gives you the anti-sensation you covet. The detatchment, the strength to ignore. It overcomes everything that is wrong in your life, it "heals" you, it "helps" you. It makes you think about something else. It takes you away from your tragic reality.

Because your life is so fucking terrible.

Fight apathy with apathy.

Just take a moment out of your padded cell to realize that the only person fucking up your life, is you, the only person who can fix this, is you.

But there is nothing we fear more than responsibility and obligation, and the only thing we want is to run away. get away. go away.

Self

2004-07-27T03:12:00.000-07:00

I need to stop quoting others.

Creation is our only mean of self-justification.

We make new things to feel like we are unique and special. We need this. Otherwise of lives seem meaningless. And no one wants to feel meaningless. No one wants to be indiscriminate among others.

Once we realize nothing is original, nothing is unique or special, our world will collapse.

But we do not give up hope. We always have the thoughts stored away in the desolate area of our mind. The thoughts, whispering to us "Maybe nothing is uninventive. Maybe everything is new."

The only aspect that separates us, this generation, is our time. This point in measurement. But once you think about it, time is irrelevent.

We are all going to die. This moment will pass. It is only when we look at our life, any life, as a whole in which it becomes... significant... complete.
All we have are our memories.

Life is only as significant as we establish it to be.

The only genuine power we will ever feel comes when we realize we are the only ones in control of ourselves. When I realize that I am the only one responsible for myself. Therefore we are in control of our life, our reality, our perception.

It is what we create.

I am what I create.

Just One More Taste

2004-07-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

We sing

La-la, la-la...

Always. Sometimes. Never.
Circle one.

We become everything we hate. We raise others, and teach them to hate...
The Circle of Animosity.

ad dic tion : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

Anything can be a drug. Everything is a drug.
Intoxication is unnecessary for enlightenment.
That definition is all wrong. I prescribe new meanings to my words.

When a cutter accidentally pricks himself with a needle, he says "Ouch." What would the equivalent situation be with a drug addict?

I suppose drug addicts don't make mistakes.

Skrink? Skrod!

2004-07-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

"No hardcore?!?"

I am Jack's Cancerous Lung

2004-07-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies and germs...

Viruses, and bacteria...
And how could I forget the parasites?

Anyone reading this (which is probably no one, but I will continue anyway), stop and do something useful. Write, read, educate or express yourself. Something productive. Stop wasting your life, and attept to do something right.

I wanted to put a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its own species.

I am so tired. Nothing ever changes. Children spend their childhood wanting to grow up. Adults spend the rest of their lives wishing they were younger.

The audience has become the entertainer.

It's called a changeover. The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.

Stop the boat.

Thinking of You

2004-07-19T23:48:00.000-07:00

Tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head
Tugging a beat to the sight of you lying
So delighted with a new understanding
Something about a little evil that makes that
Unmistakable noise I was hearing
Unmistakable sound that I know so well
Spent and sighing with a look in your eye
Spent and sighing with a look on your face like

Sweet revelation sweet surrender

Queer

2004-07-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

What a dull day it has been. This is my first entry that has not been in the early/late (however you perceive it) AM.

What is on my mind...

Obliviate-hate every motherfucker that is in your way

We are the cryptorchid of the new generation.
And we just throw it all away.

This world, this America, is insane. I wonder if things will ever improve, or if we are doomed to repeat history.

I wonder what the target of the new genocide will be?
Homosexuals? No, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has prevented that from ever happening.
But we still have to keep them from marrying. What hell would break lose if they were legally joined? I bet the universe would explode...

Iraqis, maybe?
But then who would we torture?

Lets fuck up the world. It's easier and costs less. Then we can consider who is next to go...

Fragile

2004-07-19T01:52:00.000-07:00

It seems nothing is worth saving.

Random

2004-07-08T01:32:00.000-07:00

Random, random, random.

Nothing to do, nothing to say.

Another night with only the company of a big bottle of hard nothing. I would drink myself down the long, short road of insanity if I didn't hate alcohol... and if I was positive I would enjoy the trip.

Sane and insane could easily switch places.

Tedious, tedious, nothing. Oh how you haunt me.

I spent my evening flipping through strangers' blogs. I came across a fifteen-year-old child obsessed with sex. She had some interesting writing styles.

Do I have "Fuck Me" written on my forehead?

Genitals should have Use with Caution tatooed on them. Sex. How lovely. Too bad the public has no idea how to use sex to the ultimate advantage. There are too many one-night-stands, too many nameless strangers, too much false love. So what if I lie to myself to make myself happy? It never ends well. Never.

Learn from your mistakes, my humble audience. It is the best you can do in your life. Experience. Educate.

Use the wise words of George W. Bush: "Fool me once... um... sh- ... well the point is fools can't be fooled again."

What I assume this idiotic felon is trying to tell his brave country is "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Yes, what a brave country. Full of cowards...

That is all for now. Sleep tight, my delightful audience of no one...

Take Notice

2004-07-07T01:33:00.000-07:00

Listen to me...

My eyes are open.

This is for the people:

2004-07-06T03:26:00.000-07:00

Hello sleeping world. I am awake at these desperate hours for relief will not come to me. I spent the past two days sleepless. Much has been rousing my mind, and I visit the World Wide Web from some preoccupation. Many waves to surf in this IntracateNet; I hope I do not drown.

Ah, I derive such comfort from my nonexistent audience.

This will be a short introduction to my new-born promiscuous life of web logging, as I must find other activities to distract myself from sleep. Goodbye and goodnight...